It's kind of hilarious that while Apollo got better, Rider got worse. Apollo is currently getting near Toothless levels of codependence. (It's hard to compete with soul bonded destiny spirit brother thing.) Apollo is basically the reason Rider keeps trying. Mau got him started, but if Rider kept going on his own, he would just stall out and roll back to depression. He can convince himself that anyone else really wouldn't be THAT upset if he just disappeared or something, but he just...can't with Apollo.
I think it's especially so because Apollo is the ONE person who managed to get Rider to accept he really does care that much without any tsun being involved. Mostly because of the parental feels! He keeps doing parental things that Rider can recognize as being that without having gotten much of it and it just gives him so many feels. Yet he doesn't try to be an authority like Stoick does, which is good! Rider hates being seen as incapable, so getting enough respect to not just be ordered means a lot. Even Apollo keeps seeing him do incredibly stupid things and while he's unhappy with Rider getting hurt and such, he's still supporting him and takes care of him afterwards and it's just...FEELS.
And now Rider has remembered his own father disowning him, which while he expected, was not really as prepared as he thought, and was still heart breaking on it's own and there was Apollo, still caring and supporting. And despite the fact Rider doesn't think he deserves anything nice, he can't deny he wants to be close to someone, and Apollo is just always THERE and CARING, no matter what he does and it's actually enough to be kind of painful right now.. He wants it, but doesn't think he deserves it, and he doesn't want to hurt Apollo, so in the end, Rider keeps trying to be get better. Because he wants Apollo to be happy.
He just doesn't know how to do it. There's just those dark little voices and fears in his head and he doesn't know how to deal with it or even form words most of the time. So he bottles. But then he tries to be less so with Apollo. He's also getting more touchy with Apollo because he's the one he's depending on. (Re: that Toothless comparison. Hiccup touches Toothless a lot, doesn't touch others much.) Unless others are visibly distressed, he won't be touching them., He's trying to open up more and he's finding it easier and easier for the same reason. Which is kind of good in getting him functional, unsure how well it'd go for his tendencies to become codependent. I mean, he attacked Dirk because of how protective he was, so...yeah. It could dig up what few violent tendencies Rider does have in him. Rider will not hold grudges on attacks upon himself, but he's kind of holding onto them when it concerns Apollo. So maybe not the most healthy.
MOSTLY THERE IS A LOT OF DERE, AND BEING KIND OF UNHEALTHY, but trying so hard to get better for you, sorry I'm a failure at it. '-'
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I think it's especially so because Apollo is the ONE person who managed to get Rider to accept he really does care that much without any tsun being involved. Mostly because of the parental feels! He keeps doing parental things that Rider can recognize as being that without having gotten much of it and it just gives him so many feels. Yet he doesn't try to be an authority like Stoick does, which is good! Rider hates being seen as incapable, so getting enough respect to not just be ordered means a lot. Even Apollo keeps seeing him do incredibly stupid things and while he's unhappy with Rider getting hurt and such, he's still supporting him and takes care of him afterwards and it's just...FEELS.
And now Rider has remembered his own father disowning him, which while he expected, was not really as prepared as he thought, and was still heart breaking on it's own and there was Apollo, still caring and supporting. And despite the fact Rider doesn't think he deserves anything nice, he can't deny he wants to be close to someone, and Apollo is just always THERE and CARING, no matter what he does and it's actually enough to be kind of painful right now.. He wants it, but doesn't think he deserves it, and he doesn't want to hurt Apollo, so in the end, Rider keeps trying to be get better. Because he wants Apollo to be happy.
He just doesn't know how to do it. There's just those dark little voices and fears in his head and he doesn't know how to deal with it or even form words most of the time. So he bottles. But then he tries to be less so with Apollo. He's also getting more touchy with Apollo because he's the one he's depending on. (Re: that Toothless comparison. Hiccup touches Toothless a lot, doesn't touch others much.) Unless others are visibly distressed, he won't be touching them., He's trying to open up more and he's finding it easier and easier for the same reason. Which is kind of good in getting him functional, unsure how well it'd go for his tendencies to become codependent. I mean, he attacked Dirk because of how protective he was, so...yeah. It could dig up what few violent tendencies Rider does have in him. Rider will not hold grudges on attacks upon himself, but he's kind of holding onto them when it concerns Apollo. So maybe not the most healthy.
MOSTLY THERE IS A LOT OF DERE, AND BEING KIND OF UNHEALTHY, but trying so hard to get better for you, sorry I'm a failure at it. '-'
How about Mau?